Struck by inspirational distress


This is why we use picks. I’m feeling really inspired right now, my life is about to change. I might fall into depression, or i might rise gloriously. Do I go for the impossible? Do I say fuck you to all the obstacles, burge beyond them, and fight through the mass of doubt that I am so generously handed? How do I know if I even stand a chance?

I’m sure that if I don’t, it’ll still be worth the try. It’s going to be a hell of a ride. Regardless.

Be ready. I’m gonna make your head spin. If not now – soon. If not soon – later. If not later – I’m either dead or you are.

Stay awesome, you can do whatever you want.

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Love and commitment

Today I would like to write about love and commitment.
Relationships and promises. Forever and never. Love.

The “I love you so much I hate you”, the “I am yours and you
are mine”, the “I love you more than you love me”, and of course
the “Let’s just break it off”.

Love never dies, it moves, it changes. So when we decide not
to be a part of the couple we once were, it’s not about lost love
and broken promises. It’s not about false impressions, or lies.
It’s rather the change of love, and the changes within the
individuals, spiritually and maybe even physically.

Sure, it is beautiful when two people find each other,
experience love at first sight, and stay together for the rest
of their lives. But if they stay together, just because of a
promise, just because of commitment, or the fear of living
alone, is it not more pathetic than beautiful?

Perhaps I am being cynical here.

Love and commitment deserve all the respect in the world.
To make a decision and to stick with it forever, it is truly
a remarkable thing to do. And if that commitment makes
you happy, wake up with a smile on your face, then my guess
is that you are a very lucky person.

Maybe we can create our own happiness. I’m not saying that
every relationship has their expiration date, although a lot of
couples break up just because they don’t want to sort out the
quarrels and issues that they may have along the way, it’s
just that I believe that some people are meant to fall in love,
but not to stay together.

After all, it is when we love that we are the most alive.

It is when we fall in love that we awaken, feel every beat of
our hearts, dance in the rain, and lie sleepless in our beds just
thinking of things we can’t change or manipulate.
Love is what makes life interesting.

But get this, being miserable is also all of those things. It
is beautiful, the pain that comes with loss. It is remarkable,
the loneliness, the loss of control. The longing for the voice
you used to hear so often, and the spring that makes you
anxious, excited, bubbling with anticipation – just before
fall in love all over again.

Love never dies, but a relationship can end. Personalities
change, our goals and dreams evolve, and sometimes that
leads to a break-up. Sometimes it leads to a new special
chapter of the relationship.

But if one person thinks it’s a bad idea to continue the
romance, there’s no use in convincing them otherwise.

Sometimes we don’t understand our partner’s decision.
Personally I think it’s best to talk about it properly, so that
there’s no confusion as to why it’s over. If the other person
is not ready to hear explanations, decides to blame you, and
respond with anger and arguments, then that’s their choice.

Maybe someday they will realize that it was for the best.

I don’t have much to say about the perfect relationship,
because there is no issues, no doubt, no misery…

To promise forever, and leave the next day, is not a good
commitment. To promise forever, and then months later
find that there is not much hold in the relationship, is
evolving and realizing factors that you were too in love
to see before.

It is of course hard to hurt someone you care about.
But if it feels right, it is right. Pain will decrease, become
more and more transparent, and eventually spring will
come once more. Acceptance is important, and in time
it will come. We love, we love differently, we change.

I don’t think there’s anything bad in love. Regardless.
And maybe we even learn how to love better as we
change and dare to move on.

Stay awesome <3

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Need to get out

We all want to improve ourselves. We all want to be better than we are, have more energy, do all those things that we always dreamed of doing.. We all want adventure. We all want to laugh. We dream of dancing around bonfires with all our best friends, but instead we are stuck in front of screens, updating profile pictures, worrying about the next paycheck and whether or not your plans for the future are further away than you thought.

I want to be outside more, I want to see my friends more, I want to accomplish more than I have. Still, here I am sitting, rotting away, getting weaker each day, loosing focus, loosing drive. Loosing inspiration. Little by little, this room captivates me, imprisons me, fills my spirit with limitations and doubt. I need to get out.

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Just a little something

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Today we had a big family dinner party. My brother and his fiancee came to visit, and arrived last night, so today was the day of the dinner. Mom told me to go dress up. We ate, we drank, we laughed, and my stepfather fell asleep in the chair. Not due to alcohol, but because of overworking this whole week.

So from around 20-21 ish to now; 01:30, I’ve been wearing make-up and wearing a glittery dress. I feel bad I didn’t have time to do my nails though.

After working from 07:00 – 15:00, and being able to attend and keep up conversations, I’m feeling rather impressed about myself. Apparantly it’s not the ‘staying awake thing’ that is my problem. It’s the ‘not staying asleep’.

So I was standing in the bathroom about to remove my make-up, and realized that I hadn’t uploaded anything on my blog in a while, although I probably promised to do so, as I often do make promises I don’t keep. So here’s a little something. I do believe this dress is bought at freequent, btw.

With, almost without and without make-up. My photographic abilities are limited right now, as I am a little bit more relaxed and indifferent to quality than usual. *COFF*Alcohol.

It’s easy to forget to socialize with family, because they’re just always there, in the background, and they often just blurr out and loose focus in the picture of the now and friends. But they are important. And usually they’re pretty decent people. If you hate your mom, sister, dad, brother or whatever, you might just need some more time together. After all, understanding is the cure for arguments and hatred.

Outch, didn’t mean to start so superficial and then end it all with … that.


not sorry.

Stay awesome <3

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We all need inspiration for doing what we love. Sometimes we get inspiration by doing what we love. But what if there comes a time when everything is just gone? When your inspiration cup looks empty..

Usually I find myself most inspired when I’m depressed. This goes for everything I do. Writing, photographing, painting, and playing music. Also for knitting.. Damn, I got a lot of hobbies. Anyways.. What if I’m happy, or even just content, how do I get inspiration?

I guess I could just watch the news, to get depressed again, but I want to be able to feel inspired in a blissful mood.

Example: 2014-10-18 14.44.30

Painting to the left – nostalgic mood
Painting to the right – good mood

The one I painted in a good mood, is obviously not finished. Usually I don’t finish the paintings I don’t complete in the same day. But I will finish this one. I have to.

Another example:
This song I made after my grandfather died..

And this one I made for my nieces. Their mother is norwegian, and their father is australian, so therefore it’s in both english and norwegian.
It’s a children’s song, and it’s also unfinished.

It’s definitely something I need to practice on. Making things in a good mood and completing them. Usually I go to music and art for comfort, it’s the same for this blog. If you look at my old posts, there are more depressing posts than feelgood posts. Usually I just post pictures if I’m happy, cause pictures say more than a thousand words.

It’s not fair to you people reading it, and it’s also not fair to myself to produce so much sadness. Well, maybe some people find comfort in my words or work, but I want to spread smiles as well. Not only tears and deep questions about life and it’s meaning.

My next post will be of progress. I will force myself to improve. I want to be better, and I will create something beautiful and not depressing.

I don’t know what it will be, maybe text, maybe music, or perhaps a painting. Something will be published, hopefully in just a few days. So buckle up, this is going to be a bumpy ride.


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What’s wrong with me?

I listen to my old songs, and find that it sounds like shit. I read my old posts and it makes me sick. Was i that incompetent just a year or two ago? Or am i evolving very quickly? Or is every compliment I recieve a big lie and everyone is originally maintaining this “truman show” sherade?
That movie still fucks me up.

Seriously though, am I being over intensely critical about my self, or am I blind to my present talent or rather – the lack of talent?

I don’t know man. Here i am in my bed, supposed to be sleeping, and I cant cause I have these hundreds of hypothetical scenarios to play in my head, so there’s no time for rest.

Incredibly, I am now most worried about the future me reading this and feeling even more incompetent of my newest “progress” of the past.
Did that make sense?

Make a note that nothing good ever happens after midnight. Except food, sex and music.

Closing my eyes in… (3, 2, 1)
Take care now
Bye bye then

I didn’t close my eyes. That was a lie.

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Family bbq?

Yesterday I went to the woods with my sister and her children, and my stepbrother and his fiancee. We made a bonfire and cooked some hot dogs and some bread.

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