Life sure is peculiar. So are the people in it. For instance, first when you really need a place to crash, or somebody to talk to, that is when you will see who your true friends really are. Not that I mind, the fact that people have other priorities or other things to deal with at the time, I mean, we all got our shit, but still, it sure opens my eyes when these kinds of situations appear.
Right now, I think I am truly happy. Last night I was upset, or irritated at least, which lead to me unfolding my sleeping bag outdoors in the woods, as I no longer wanted to sleep in my previous bed. It was amazing. I felt completely free. I find it exhilerating, cause it is in fact like this: if you dont like a situation, you can just walk out of it.
There is no need to worry about not having a bed, or a roof, or money to buy whatever you think you might be in the need of. Cause most things are free. Tap water is free. The grass outside is a gigantic bed, free of charge. The only thing you really need money for, if you are not in the possession of a greenhouse with vegetables, is food, and probably the access to a shower and a washing machine for your clothes.
But as I lay down in my sleeping bag, with the whole city in my view, I made a phonecall to a friend of mine at work. It was without intentions, just to chat and laugh about my situation, but he insisted that I came to their house and spent the night there. If it had not been for the weather, I would most likely have declined, which I did tried to do in the first place, but the clouds were heavy, and it seemed like it might rain. I packed my bag, and started walking down to town. The world was already awake, and people were waiting for their bus as I walked by with my baggage and filmed myself talking.
When we were inside the house, I was served lasagne, and then I went to sleep. I slept in a bed, in my sleeping bag. I dont know why I did this, as there was a cover and a pillow there, available for me. I guess it just didnt feel right.
When I woke up, around 7 pm, my friend left, and I have been alone in their house since he left. So I started doing their dishes, did my laundry, cleaned their main rooms, and vacuumed the floor. Sorted the shoes in the hallway, and organized some of the things that were just lying around. At the end, I hung up my wet clothes, and folded the dry clean clothes that were hanging there from before.
Then I spent about an hour playing my friends guitar.
The place looks really nice now, and I no longer feel useless. Who knew cleaning could bring forth such a feeling of serenity? I know I was clueless to this fact before now. Right now I feel like I want to do more. I want to be better than I was before. I want to do things for people that they cant foresee, that they cant suspect. Good things, that is.
It really makes me happy to make other people happy, so why shouldnt I spend more time doing this?
I think this is freedom. Contributing. Not because its expected or the right thing to do, but because you want to help. Yes, I will be a better person from now on. I know Im not a slacker, and I know that I can do so much more, so this will be my new motivation from this point on.
I started writing a story a couple of days ago. It is, of course, in english, and its already about six pages long. It is sort of like a novel, with three different perspectives telling the same story. My goal is to reach some understanding about myself, which I hope will be the consequence of this project. Heck, it might even be published if proven good enough.
So my life is under construction at the moment, and I am currently trying to tie up lose ends, both in my story and in my life. It feels good, knowing that from this precise moment, it cant get any worse. There is actually nothing standing in my way anymore. I know I will manage, no matter the deep shit I might find myself in, and I also know that I will always have a place I can go to that makes me feel good. The nature is kind of magical like that.
This is my redemption, this is my salvation. I dont mean that in a religious way, trust me, but spiritually.
So all I have left to say right now, is this;
stay in control,
life is the game,
and yours are the hands
on the game console.